I was asked this question yesterday by a second-grader, in the middle of my discussion with her class in which I was telling them that I was retiring as their school counselor after 11 years. As you can imagine, I bring a lot of music with me to the school, so I’m used to spending time with these little ones singing songs, and having “freeze dances” intertwined with the lessons I’m teaching them related to our Social-Emotional Learning curriculum. It’s been a dream job, and it hurts to leave, but the time is also perfect, and so very right.
In the midst of me breaking the hard news to these kids I’ve known for a couple years, this splendid little one interrupts with the seeming non-sequitur, and it threw me. Jeremy, Do you have a wife? “No, I have a husband” was the true response. Perhaps the right response. But instead I said, “let’s talk about that later.” And I carried on with what I had been saying about my leaving. Interestingly, a minute or two later, she chimed in with the same question, and I used the same answer. But I went home that night pondering.
For context and as a reminder, I was married to Lisa before I was married to John, and many of the kids at the school are aware that I have a now 18-year old daughter who once walked these same halls. The implication and natural assumption, of course, is that Jeremy has a wife, and is straight. At least that’s what you assume when you’re seven years old. (Or 37, let’s be honest).
The evening’s pondering started with me wanting to show up fully and authentically as myself and answer her question straight up (pun-intended). But I’ll admit I also had a slight flash of Floridaphobia, and a vision of Evangelical parents raising hell over me discussion my sexuality with their second-grader. But that flash-phobia was sudden, and this is Boulder.
So, after conferring with her teacher this morning to make sure that she too thought I was on the right track, I re-connected with that sweet little girl, the one with the perfectly innocent question. I knelt down next to her and said, “I remembered your question yesterday, and I know I didn’t answer it directly. So I would like to do that now. The truth is that I don’t have a wife, I actually have a husband.”
“Oh.” she said. “What’s his name?”
”John,” I said.
“Oh.” she said, and smiled. “Jeremy and John. J and J.” Her smile growing.
Then she turned and walked away, still smiling.
I’m really going to miss this job.